You know, even though she's cute and all, when her face pops up on my Facebook page, to the right, saying, "Is she into you?", all I can immediately think is, "Oh, god, I hope not!" Somehow, I think that's not quite the response they're aiming for.
Which is odd, coz Facebook, a la Big Brother, usually is pretty good at "targeting" their ads. But google mail or gmail or whatever is even better. I'll be reading an e-mail from Kyle, yakking about his latest mis-step towards enlisting, and at the top of my mailbox, is a little ticker with ads and/or news stories about the Army.
Creepshow.
But, in the meantime, it turns out that putting on a sweater, or in my case my awesomely warm and colorful Keith Haring bathrobe (I should do a commercial for it!), really does mean you can go without turning the heater on/up.
But only for awhile.
I think I might be becoming a bit too fond of those 7-11 Taco & Cheese taquitos. But damn, they're good! :)
Have to give a shout out to Disney's "Carol" - very gothic (wink to Brian). Keep in mind, I'm basing it on seeing it in Digital 3-D on IMAX. I swear, time and again it seemed to be snowing between my 3-D glasses and my eyes. And, thankfully, Zemeckis has managed to fix that dead eye look from "Polar Express."
Another cool thing about it: the ghost of Christmas present looks like a cross between Jesus and Santa (of course, he's written that way), and surprisingly Disney includes the exchange between Scrooge and the Ghost wherein Christmas Present chides him for thinking mankind can do things in his name. Anyway, I highly recommend it - again, at least the 3-D IMAX version.
Best. Carol. Ever.
I have a confession to make: my very favorite "modern day" Christmas songs is Michael Bolton's "Our Love is Like a Holiday"
The latest in Excalibur's parking spot: tonight, in the same area on Hyde, but a large space, the guy still had to have his buddy get out and "direct" him into it. It was comical; he had at least 4-6 feet behind him.
Later, across the street, a Smart car got into a space that only a Smart car could have gotten into. I couldn't have even gotten my Mini in it! But my thing about Smart cars is they are TOO small. I see them on the freeway and I immediately think of some dark animated cartoon wherein the Smart car is coming to a stop but accidentally bumps slightly the car in front causing the Smart car to burst into flames.
So the latest episode of "Dexter" (and latest, for me, is Season 3, Disc 2, Episode 8) had a very touching and yet distressing storyline wherein a dear friend of Dexter's--a sweet old lady, natch--asks him to put her out of her end stage lung cancer misery. And of course Dexter's all torn up coz it doesn't fit his "code."
I can imagine very few more horrible positions in which to be put. I can't even begin to fathom how I would cope with such a request. There was an exchange that implied it would be easier to do for someone you really love, that if they were in horrible pain, and all knew it was only a matter of time, that you could more "easily" do it because of that love.
Personally, I don't see it. If, for example, Kyle were begging me to "help" end his life, I can only imagine I would be so devastated at the prospect of him dying that there is no way I could contribute to it without having some kind of breakdown afterwards.
Curious to hear what others think about this. Could you "help" someone in this way? What would it take? Would it be easier or harder to do it for someone you REALLY loved?
Discuss.
11/16/09
A is for Apple. Or Antediluvian. Or Abstemious. Or or or...
I read somewhere once that many smart people believe in the power of reading a dictionary. Yes, READING it, not just using it to look up those words smarter people than you throw at you to make sure you remember that they’re smarter than you.
I would actually have to agree, though, that reading a dictionary is indeed a good thing. It IS gratifying to throw words out that other people don’t know and watch them smile blankly and nod their heads when you respond to their innocent little musing about whether or not Dianne Feinstein would make a good president with something like, “Oh, I don’t know--she’s just so.....so......antediluvian, don’t you think?”
Of course, reading is a time-consuming business and I know most of us don’t have time to sit and relax in your favorite old chair with a nice heavy copy of Webster’s annotated in your lap. I mean what with working 10 hours a day, sleeping for six (maybe), the gym, my MTV, catching the latest $100 million art house flick, cruisin’ the web and surfin’ the net and flaming all those morons who actually believe that Captain Picard is a better Star Trek captain than Captain Kirk. I know it’s hard to keep up.
So of course I’m here to help. I will, as a service to my faithful readers, and to help with my eternal ambition to be a teacher (just not in a public high school), read the dictionary myself and, periodically, provide you with a brief definition of some obscure, but impressive-sounding words for you to use on your boss, loved ones, or anyone else that needs to be reminded of your intellectual prowess. And if you continue reading this within the next two minutes, at no extra charge, I’ll even use the word in a sentence for you!
Let’s start with antediluvian, since I mentioned it above (and since I have only read the A’s so far in the dictionary). Antediluvian--emphasis on the lu, as in loo--basically means “of the time before the flood.” Now, I don’t know if this is so literal that people who don’t believe in God and Noah and all that can’t use the word, I’ll leave that up to individual consciences. And, as for using it in a sentence, I already did, remember? Dianne Feinstein is positively ANTEDILUVIAN.
Okay, let’s move on. ABATTOIR. Many of you may know this one because it’s always first on those “improving your vocabulary” tapes and runs all the time in Reader’s Digest. Frankly, I don’t know why it’s so popular considering that it’s simply a fancy word for a slaughterhouse, but I felt I should include it just to make sure everyone out there knows how to spell it. I always wanted to spell it as abbatoir, but I'm assuming that has something to do with ABBA.
Anyway, using it in a sentence, let me see.... Oh, okay, here we go: Dianne Feinstein, the positively antediluvian Senator, made a campaign stop today at an abattoir. I have to admit that sounds nicer than saying, “Old Dianne Feinstein dropped by a slaughterhouse today.”
Next, ABSTEMIOUS--emphasis on the ste, as in stee. This means “sparing in one’s taking of food and drink, not self-indulgent.” The dictionary also reminds you that an abstemious person does not abstain entirely (italics, dictionary). So a good sentence would be: Dianne Feinstein, the positively antediluvian and possibly ABSTEMIOUS Senator, made a campaign stop today at an abattoir. " Swish! Can you believe I’m making up these sentences as we go along? Who says learning isn’t fun?
Then we have AEGIS--emphasis on the ae, is in ee. Aegis is a noun, even though it sounds like a verb (or am I thinking of an adjective? won't someone tell me what I'm thinking of?), and means “protection, sponsorship.” Incredibly enough, the dictionary provides us with a sentence fragment using aegis, that fits uncannily into our ongoing, and I must admit thrilling, story about Dianne Feinstein.
Our new sentence thus reads: Dianne Feinstein, the positively antediluvian and possibly abstemious Senator, while under the AEGIS of the Humane Society, made a campaign stop today at an abattoir. Is that eerie, or what? And it changes the meaning of the sentence for those of you who had previously proscribed rather nefarious (see more about this word in a future column!) motives to Ms. Feinstein’s visit to the abattoir.
But, quiet, fool, so we can move on to the next word! I’m dying to know what happens to old Dianne--excuse me, to the positively antediluvian Dianne--aren’t you?
In fact, let’s just finish up the A’s and I’ll let you all go home early. We have AMELIORATE (emphasis on the mel, as in meel, and which means to make or become better); we have ANACHRONISM (emphasis on the nach, as in “My Sharona” and meaning 1) a mistake in placing something into a particular historical period, 2) the thing wrongly placed, 3) a person, custom, or idea regarded as out of date...Hmm, can just SMELL this one coming, can’t you?); and, finally, we have APHASIA (emphasis on the pha, as in fay, and referring to a partial or total loss of speech, or loss of understanding of language, resulting from brain damage).
Let’s tie it all up with one nice, long, sentence using all the new words we’ve learned and be prepared to amaze your family and friends: Dianne Feinstein, the positively antediluvian and possibly abstemious Grdlflick in jammer, astibalished...... Editor’s Note: We apologize, but Mr. Wallace was suddenly struck with aphasia and will be unable to finish this lesson. We have sent him to the hospital, where he has been given pharmacotherapy to help ameliorate his pain until he can discontinue his obsession with the Knack’s “My Sharona.” Our apologies.
I would actually have to agree, though, that reading a dictionary is indeed a good thing. It IS gratifying to throw words out that other people don’t know and watch them smile blankly and nod their heads when you respond to their innocent little musing about whether or not Dianne Feinstein would make a good president with something like, “Oh, I don’t know--she’s just so.....so......antediluvian, don’t you think?”
Of course, reading is a time-consuming business and I know most of us don’t have time to sit and relax in your favorite old chair with a nice heavy copy of Webster’s annotated in your lap. I mean what with working 10 hours a day, sleeping for six (maybe), the gym, my MTV, catching the latest $100 million art house flick, cruisin’ the web and surfin’ the net and flaming all those morons who actually believe that Captain Picard is a better Star Trek captain than Captain Kirk. I know it’s hard to keep up.
So of course I’m here to help. I will, as a service to my faithful readers, and to help with my eternal ambition to be a teacher (just not in a public high school), read the dictionary myself and, periodically, provide you with a brief definition of some obscure, but impressive-sounding words for you to use on your boss, loved ones, or anyone else that needs to be reminded of your intellectual prowess. And if you continue reading this within the next two minutes, at no extra charge, I’ll even use the word in a sentence for you!
Let’s start with antediluvian, since I mentioned it above (and since I have only read the A’s so far in the dictionary). Antediluvian--emphasis on the lu, as in loo--basically means “of the time before the flood.” Now, I don’t know if this is so literal that people who don’t believe in God and Noah and all that can’t use the word, I’ll leave that up to individual consciences. And, as for using it in a sentence, I already did, remember? Dianne Feinstein is positively ANTEDILUVIAN.
Okay, let’s move on. ABATTOIR. Many of you may know this one because it’s always first on those “improving your vocabulary” tapes and runs all the time in Reader’s Digest. Frankly, I don’t know why it’s so popular considering that it’s simply a fancy word for a slaughterhouse, but I felt I should include it just to make sure everyone out there knows how to spell it. I always wanted to spell it as abbatoir, but I'm assuming that has something to do with ABBA.
Anyway, using it in a sentence, let me see.... Oh, okay, here we go: Dianne Feinstein, the positively antediluvian Senator, made a campaign stop today at an abattoir. I have to admit that sounds nicer than saying, “Old Dianne Feinstein dropped by a slaughterhouse today.”
Next, ABSTEMIOUS--emphasis on the ste, as in stee. This means “sparing in one’s taking of food and drink, not self-indulgent.” The dictionary also reminds you that an abstemious person does not abstain entirely (italics, dictionary). So a good sentence would be: Dianne Feinstein, the positively antediluvian and possibly ABSTEMIOUS Senator, made a campaign stop today at an abattoir. " Swish! Can you believe I’m making up these sentences as we go along? Who says learning isn’t fun?
Then we have AEGIS--emphasis on the ae, is in ee. Aegis is a noun, even though it sounds like a verb (or am I thinking of an adjective? won't someone tell me what I'm thinking of?), and means “protection, sponsorship.” Incredibly enough, the dictionary provides us with a sentence fragment using aegis, that fits uncannily into our ongoing, and I must admit thrilling, story about Dianne Feinstein.
Our new sentence thus reads: Dianne Feinstein, the positively antediluvian and possibly abstemious Senator, while under the AEGIS of the Humane Society, made a campaign stop today at an abattoir. Is that eerie, or what? And it changes the meaning of the sentence for those of you who had previously proscribed rather nefarious (see more about this word in a future column!) motives to Ms. Feinstein’s visit to the abattoir.
But, quiet, fool, so we can move on to the next word! I’m dying to know what happens to old Dianne--excuse me, to the positively antediluvian Dianne--aren’t you?
In fact, let’s just finish up the A’s and I’ll let you all go home early. We have AMELIORATE (emphasis on the mel, as in meel, and which means to make or become better); we have ANACHRONISM (emphasis on the nach, as in “My Sharona” and meaning 1) a mistake in placing something into a particular historical period, 2) the thing wrongly placed, 3) a person, custom, or idea regarded as out of date...Hmm, can just SMELL this one coming, can’t you?); and, finally, we have APHASIA (emphasis on the pha, as in fay, and referring to a partial or total loss of speech, or loss of understanding of language, resulting from brain damage).
Let’s tie it all up with one nice, long, sentence using all the new words we’ve learned and be prepared to amaze your family and friends: Dianne Feinstein, the positively antediluvian and possibly abstemious Grdlflick in jammer, astibalished...... Editor’s Note: We apologize, but Mr. Wallace was suddenly struck with aphasia and will be unable to finish this lesson. We have sent him to the hospital, where he has been given pharmacotherapy to help ameliorate his pain until he can discontinue his obsession with the Knack’s “My Sharona.” Our apologies.
11/9/09
Adventures in Babysitting
I read somewhere the other day that the “going rate” for baby-sitting is now around $10 an hour. Or MORE. This is one of those interesting little sociological tidbits that has sneaked up on my 40-something-year-old self and slapped me in the face, forcing me to admit that there are actually generations of folks out there that are YOUNGER THAN I AM.
The first time this happened was with the craze for wearing your pants with the seat of them hovering just slightly above your knees. And then, of course, you ran around all the time trying to pull them up. I’d look at these kids and think, “Golly gee willickers, generation gaps ARE appalling things!”
Anyway, when *I* was younger and baby-sitting, I was lucky to get $10 for TWO NIGHTS of sitting, let alone one hour. And I had to walk 10 miles through the snow to where I was baby-sitting, yadda yadda yadda. I also heard that girls got more for some reason. When I asked my mom about the unfairness of this, she snorted and said something like, “Boo hoo hoo; talk to me again in 20 years when she’s getting 67 cents for each dollar you’re getting while both of you are pushing papers around a desk.” To which I would wittily reply, “Um, huh?”
I understand inflation. I understand baby-sitters being more appreciated these days (although I can’t think of exactly WHY that would be, but let’s leave it in as a space filler). I even will allow that today a baby-sitter faces different challenges. For example:
WHEN I WAS BABY-SITTING: “Are you sure your mom said you could eat Fritos and drink Hi-C and stay up past your bedtime to watch ‘Love, American Style’??”
A BABY-SITTER TODAY: “Are you sure your mom said you could drink all the scotch, smoke her dope, and stay up past your bedtime downloading dirty pics?”
However, keep in mind that these things would be of proportional scariness factor. Just as kids today are scared of being gunned down in their classrooms, kids of yore used to be equally afraid of monsters sneaking out from under their beds in the middle of the night and devouring them. Both equally frightening propositions, no?
Therefore, I will submit that baby-sitting “then” was just as full of hazards as baby-sitting “now.” For instance, how many of you former baby-sitters out there can remember each--or at least some--of the following:
1) The kids with the large pet/demon from Hell that did whatever they wanted. Of course the purpose of this animal was so the kids could then have YOU do whatever they wanted. I baby-sat a pair of kids, boy and girl, who had a giant schnauzer. And I mean a GIANT schnauzer. Up to that point, I thought the only kind of schnauzer that existed was like the little black one in Disney’s “Lady & the Tramp.” Now, this schnauzer did indeed look like little “Scottie” (or whatever his name was) but blown up to Japanese horror movie size. These kids would come in the kitchen with “Caesar” and say, “Mom says we can have twinkies AND Cap’n Crunch while we watch The Late Late Late Movie.” “Oh yeah?” I snap, whirling my head with a withering stare that lasts all the way up until the time I notice they are patting Caesar on the head. “Well, you can only have regular OR berry Cap’n Crunch with your twinkies, not both!”
2) The parents who say “Eat what you want from the fridge” only because they’ve taken the precaution of emptying it of anything good--all you'd find would be old apple butter, olive loaf, and a box of baking soda. But some parents actually MEANT it, and in THEIR refrigerators you’d find tofu, carrots and assorted other varieties of “nature’s candy,” soy milk, and any manner of things a younger person would rather be devoured by a giant dog by than eat.
3) The good kid/bad kid house where one child has a crush on you and the other one thinks you’re a monster from the pits of hell--or at least WISHES you were, so you’d be more fun. I’ll be sitting for little Johnnie and Katie and when I say, “Okay, kids it’s bedtime,” and tap on my watch, little Katie will smile beatifically at me and say, “Yes, David, will you tuck us in?” while little Johnnie is calling for Caesar.
4) The kids who are perfect angels while Mom & Dad are around, but once the parents are out the door, the kids are at each other’s throats. One time, while making a sandwich for little Tammy, her brother Duane had managed to herd up all of her Barbies, shave their heads and tattoo his initials onto each one of them with his woodburning set. “I wanted to play ‘Barbie in a War-Time Prison Camp,’” said Duane. So while I sat him down and explained the incorrectness of his deed (all the while praying for the speedy return of his parents so that I could STRONGLY suggest therapy), Tammy was getting her vengeance by tossing Duane’s pet goldfish out on the bedroom rug and giggling maniacally as Tabby played with them.
Coincidentally or not, this was the very last couple I sat for. I recall getting a couple of more requests, but generally from parents who had hellish children I already knew entirely too much about and refused to sit for.
Of course, back then, if they had offered me $10 an hour...
The first time this happened was with the craze for wearing your pants with the seat of them hovering just slightly above your knees. And then, of course, you ran around all the time trying to pull them up. I’d look at these kids and think, “Golly gee willickers, generation gaps ARE appalling things!”
Anyway, when *I* was younger and baby-sitting, I was lucky to get $10 for TWO NIGHTS of sitting, let alone one hour. And I had to walk 10 miles through the snow to where I was baby-sitting, yadda yadda yadda. I also heard that girls got more for some reason. When I asked my mom about the unfairness of this, she snorted and said something like, “Boo hoo hoo; talk to me again in 20 years when she’s getting 67 cents for each dollar you’re getting while both of you are pushing papers around a desk.” To which I would wittily reply, “Um, huh?”
I understand inflation. I understand baby-sitters being more appreciated these days (although I can’t think of exactly WHY that would be, but let’s leave it in as a space filler). I even will allow that today a baby-sitter faces different challenges. For example:
WHEN I WAS BABY-SITTING: “Are you sure your mom said you could eat Fritos and drink Hi-C and stay up past your bedtime to watch ‘Love, American Style’??”
A BABY-SITTER TODAY: “Are you sure your mom said you could drink all the scotch, smoke her dope, and stay up past your bedtime downloading dirty pics?”
However, keep in mind that these things would be of proportional scariness factor. Just as kids today are scared of being gunned down in their classrooms, kids of yore used to be equally afraid of monsters sneaking out from under their beds in the middle of the night and devouring them. Both equally frightening propositions, no?
Therefore, I will submit that baby-sitting “then” was just as full of hazards as baby-sitting “now.” For instance, how many of you former baby-sitters out there can remember each--or at least some--of the following:
1) The kids with the large pet/demon from Hell that did whatever they wanted. Of course the purpose of this animal was so the kids could then have YOU do whatever they wanted. I baby-sat a pair of kids, boy and girl, who had a giant schnauzer. And I mean a GIANT schnauzer. Up to that point, I thought the only kind of schnauzer that existed was like the little black one in Disney’s “Lady & the Tramp.” Now, this schnauzer did indeed look like little “Scottie” (or whatever his name was) but blown up to Japanese horror movie size. These kids would come in the kitchen with “Caesar” and say, “Mom says we can have twinkies AND Cap’n Crunch while we watch The Late Late Late Movie.” “Oh yeah?” I snap, whirling my head with a withering stare that lasts all the way up until the time I notice they are patting Caesar on the head. “Well, you can only have regular OR berry Cap’n Crunch with your twinkies, not both!”
2) The parents who say “Eat what you want from the fridge” only because they’ve taken the precaution of emptying it of anything good--all you'd find would be old apple butter, olive loaf, and a box of baking soda. But some parents actually MEANT it, and in THEIR refrigerators you’d find tofu, carrots and assorted other varieties of “nature’s candy,” soy milk, and any manner of things a younger person would rather be devoured by a giant dog by than eat.
3) The good kid/bad kid house where one child has a crush on you and the other one thinks you’re a monster from the pits of hell--or at least WISHES you were, so you’d be more fun. I’ll be sitting for little Johnnie and Katie and when I say, “Okay, kids it’s bedtime,” and tap on my watch, little Katie will smile beatifically at me and say, “Yes, David, will you tuck us in?” while little Johnnie is calling for Caesar.
4) The kids who are perfect angels while Mom & Dad are around, but once the parents are out the door, the kids are at each other’s throats. One time, while making a sandwich for little Tammy, her brother Duane had managed to herd up all of her Barbies, shave their heads and tattoo his initials onto each one of them with his woodburning set. “I wanted to play ‘Barbie in a War-Time Prison Camp,’” said Duane. So while I sat him down and explained the incorrectness of his deed (all the while praying for the speedy return of his parents so that I could STRONGLY suggest therapy), Tammy was getting her vengeance by tossing Duane’s pet goldfish out on the bedroom rug and giggling maniacally as Tabby played with them.
Coincidentally or not, this was the very last couple I sat for. I recall getting a couple of more requests, but generally from parents who had hellish children I already knew entirely too much about and refused to sit for.
Of course, back then, if they had offered me $10 an hour...
11/2/09
Sent via Blackberry
So I finally broke down and joined the "so 10 minutes ago" cool club by getting a Blackberry. Of course, it's still through CREDO, so I get to maintain my hippie cred. :)
My first impression: WTF? Why does someone need this much shit on their phone? I mean, I just don't have time to do even a TENTH of what this thing can do. And I don't want to make the time. I guess my generation gap is showing.
What's interesting, though, is that we're living in one of those few moments in history where you can actually almost feel/see the change, its happening so fast. I mean, if you took a Blackberry back to just 1989 - 20 years ago - most people would have been goggle-eyed at what all it can do.
Or maybe it's just me. I mean, I seriously am still blown away by TV (and even, to a lesser, extent, radio). I just don't grasp how IMAGES can be transmitted through THIN AIR. I mean, I've had it explained to me, "scientifically," a thousand times (or was it a thousand acres?), but it still blows me away. The phone itself is a trip--cell or landline. That you can hear someone's voice, instantaneously, through an effing WIRE, let alone the AIR?? I mean, seriously, as they say in "Shakespeare in Love," It's a mystery!
I remember coming back from Peace Corps, in 1999, right near the height of the dot-com boom and it seemed like, overnight (i.e., the 2 years I was away), everyone had gotten a cell phone! Of course, they were HUGE by comparison to today's.
I wish I could remember what show, it was something like Magnum P.I., where the hero had this HUGE effing cell phone. It was a trip. It looked more like one of those mondo-sized military walkie-talkies. Ah, back in the old days.
Anyway, the (first?) downside I've found to the Blackberry is how long the battery takes to charge and how long (as in not) it holds the charge.
But at least I'm cool for 10 minutes ago.
My first impression: WTF? Why does someone need this much shit on their phone? I mean, I just don't have time to do even a TENTH of what this thing can do. And I don't want to make the time. I guess my generation gap is showing.
What's interesting, though, is that we're living in one of those few moments in history where you can actually almost feel/see the change, its happening so fast. I mean, if you took a Blackberry back to just 1989 - 20 years ago - most people would have been goggle-eyed at what all it can do.
Or maybe it's just me. I mean, I seriously am still blown away by TV (and even, to a lesser, extent, radio). I just don't grasp how IMAGES can be transmitted through THIN AIR. I mean, I've had it explained to me, "scientifically," a thousand times (or was it a thousand acres?), but it still blows me away. The phone itself is a trip--cell or landline. That you can hear someone's voice, instantaneously, through an effing WIRE, let alone the AIR?? I mean, seriously, as they say in "Shakespeare in Love," It's a mystery!
I remember coming back from Peace Corps, in 1999, right near the height of the dot-com boom and it seemed like, overnight (i.e., the 2 years I was away), everyone had gotten a cell phone! Of course, they were HUGE by comparison to today's.
I wish I could remember what show, it was something like Magnum P.I., where the hero had this HUGE effing cell phone. It was a trip. It looked more like one of those mondo-sized military walkie-talkies. Ah, back in the old days.
Anyway, the (first?) downside I've found to the Blackberry is how long the battery takes to charge and how long (as in not) it holds the charge.
But at least I'm cool for 10 minutes ago.
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