4/4/11

Deep thoughts, cheap shots and bon mots - XIV

As reported in Harper's magazine's "Findings" section, a recent study found that autistics are more likely than non-autistics to blame a woman named Janet for the death of Janet's friend who dies of jellyfish stings after Janet tells her the jellyfish are harmless.

This begs SO many questions:
1) who thought to study such a thing in the first place?
2) did they also compare against folks with Asperger's?
3) why Janet, dammitt? (sorry, couldn't resist) are autistics less likely to blame a woman named Mary?
4) why jellyfish? what about bee stings?
5) finally, and most importantly, did Janet tell her friend that jellyfish stings are harmless or did she tell the autistic person that?

At first glance, this other study seemed odd, too: a study published in the journal Gut found that a black Labrador from Japan's St. Sugar Cancer Sniffing Dog Training Center (hey, there's your explanation for the why) was able, by sniffing the feces of patients, to detect the presence of colorectal cancer with greater effectiveness than the standard clinical screening, the fecal occult blood test.

I mean, I've always heard that a dog's sense of smell is, well, superhuman...or I guess suprahuman would be more appropos, here. So it makes sense to train dogs for this. And I find it amazing that scientists/trainers are able to even have the capacity themselves to be able to make a dog understand what cancer smells like in the first place. My guess is that it smells like the inside of a Payless Shoe Store. Seriously, go inside one and take a whiff. I bet the smell alone in there would KILL a dog!

Random thought from the other day: Why don’t we call the homeless—or, rather, I guess I should be asking when will we start calling the homeless “differently-domiciled”? I mean, we’ve moved from “retarded” to “developmentally disabled” to “differently-abled” so it seems to follow…

I think, if we did that—if we counted people like, say, Kyle who is currently couch-surfing after spending time in Folsom County Pri…..I mean , the Petaluma Shelter (apparently, one of the top shelters in the country! And to think I was fool enough to leave that town!)—then the number of “homeless” people would SKYrocket. Thanks again, Reagan! Instead of naming an airport after him, they should have called crack “Ronnie.”

Think about it: it would still sound cool/hip/funky/unique, and would be tied to its genesis as one of the contributing factors for homelessness—i.e., it was introduced into the Black community by the CIA during Reagan’s tenure. Thanks again, Ronnie! I mean, oh yeah, baby, I got some sweet Ronnie to smoke later – some seriously good shit, the best Ronnie you’ve ever had! I’ll even let you have a taste for free so you can see I’m not lying! (shaking slightly)

I mean, thank GAWD Reagan also cleverly manipulated the sentencing requirements for people busted for coke (i.e., the Bush twins demographic) vs. people busted for Ronnie (i.e., you know – THEM) so they could incarcerate all the Blacks they weren’t killing already with Ronnie and the horrible ramping up of uber-Capitalism as basically a fucking religion—a religion that requires a peonage class. Wal-Mart is its church. The Republicans are the high priests. And the Democrats are the squabbling, easily-manipulated and trod upon masses.

Finally, before sharing a couple of fun links, I have to give a shout out to the show "Friday Night Lights" - even if you don't like football, this is one of the best shows you'll ever see. I mean, I love me some "Glee," but "FNL" is so much better in terms of acting, realistic (although still dramatic) plots, and I swear to god almost every show makes me cry - not in a sad way, but in a "heartwarming" way and not like the club you over the head emotions "Glee" often tears out of you! :)

Now, for those of you who have not had the pleasure of reading Tom Tomorrow's strips, DO SO. He is far and away one of the most consistent, hysterical commentators on crap both left and right. His recent strip entitled "The Very Wealthy Man" is both funny as hell and horrifying in how we let crooks rob us blind with no punishment. Check it out here:

http://www.salon.com/entertainment/comics/this_modern_world/2011/01/04/this_modern_world

Finally, since I'm in a sharing mood this week, I want to share a link to one of Garrison Keillor's recent columns. Not only is it insightful and humorous, he said the same thing I've been bemoaning about myself and not being more sociable!!

http://www.salon.com/news/opinion/garrison_keillor/2010/01/12/anonymity/index.html

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