1) Be ready to dodge the gaggle of giggling/shrieking/OMG-ing girls from Tokyo or Sonoma out shopping en masse, with their H&M bags, too-high heels & too-short skirts. In fact, be ready to dodge tourists, period. Obviously, this doesn't apply (or at least so much) to people tucked away in those suburban SF neighborhoods like Diamond Heights or (shudder) the Richmond. To me, once you've gone west of Twin Peaks/the Haight/Pacific Heights, and/or south of the Castro/Mission/Soma, you've basically left "the City" and are in the burbs.
But, again, for living IN the City, it's hard to have anything better than a love/hate relationship with the ENDLESS and MASSIVE numbers of tourists. And speaking of massive, they stand out even more than tourists usually do--well, the American tourists stand out even more, that is--because they're all fat and San Francisco is the thinnest city in the country (click HERE for the list--and be unsurprised to see that Texas has HALF of the fattest cities in America; yep, everything IS grosser in Texas!).
The love/hate part--at least for me--is the understanding that tourism helps drive the City's economy, but wanting to kill so many of them for making it difficult for me to get through Union Square, or Macy's, or Westfield's, or the Castro, or the Haight, or or or. Yes, many of these areas have become/are becoming nothing BUT tourist havens in many ways, but dammit there's still things about each of them I like and, as a local, I shouldn't have to wade through (or, frankly, even have to see) such tremendous expanses of flesh just coz I wanna get high and go to Cliff's Variety.
And then again, on the love/hate side, while I'm cursing at them for blocking the sidewalk or corner or street or whatever, I'm then looking to see what they're gawking at/taking a picture of, and realize they've helped me with Rule #2 for living in San Francisco:
2) You can never live here long enough to see every possible awesome view "postcard" style photo shot. The combination of an ever-changing urban landscape, the funky fog variations (not to mention all other possible weather variations), the hills, the nation's only mobile national monument, and more...all these things combine in various permutations to provide endless variations. And you have to make an effort to see everything. I've walked up and down Sutter Street literally hundreds and hundreds of times and I still see things I've never noticed before.
I think that's one of the things I don't like about "country" life - it's, to me, just the same old shit, every day, day in and day out....zzzzzzzzzzzz. And before you flame on me for "slamming" country living, let me just say more power to you if you appreciate that kind of "bucolic" lifestyle - I'd be happy to read your blog post on the 5 things you love about living in snoozeville. ;) I'm sure, tho, at one point, it will naturally (and to some extent rightfully so in light of my own dig) lead to some kind of slam on San Francisco for being a "Socialist" state (yes, boo hoo, compare us to Sweden, Denmark, Norway, Switzerland and all those other countries with MUCH higher standards of living, lower crime rates, less poverty, etc.), and which leads us to:
3) If you're going to live in San Francisco, prepare to be mocked for being a decent human being: we're too "lenient" on the homeless, we're too GIVING with welfare, and heaven forbid we want our community values to include NOT allowing manipulative businesses the chance to bribe kids into putting crap in their body by hiding it behind a shiny new toy. And while I'd like to just say to those folks, "Go fuck yourselves, you hypocritical freaks!" I will instead say, simply, mock and laugh all you want: I'd much rather live in a City that actually gives a shit about its citizens, and our role in the world (as well as in our community), than in a banjo-strumming backwater hellhole where they go to church on Sunday, but every other day of the week they're either working in their meth lab (wanna see how the other half lives, BTW? rent: Winter's Bone), getting drunk and beating up their wife, or attending rallies with misspelled signs and threatening the President with guns - all while complaining about the lowest tax rate in over 50 years because, by GOD, "they're" money ain't meant to go to feeding no poor (i.e., Black) person.
And again, before you flame on me for being too "mean," let me just say I'm tired of capital L Liberals being bashed in this country. I'm tired of continually being put on the defensive for NOT wanting to send our country's youth to places we have no business to kill hundreds of innocent children and civilians for every 2 or 3 real terrorists we capture or kill. I'm sick of hearing selfish, proudly uneducated "Tea Partiers" piously tout their "Christianity" while savaging their fellow man. And yes, I'm sick of being mocked (even by "allies" like Jon Stewart) when San Francisco passes another "silly" law like the Happy Meal Law (now being copied).
It's amazing how many people seem to disregard that key component of the preamble to the U.S. Constitution that says "promote the general welfare." In the end, if you want to slam SF for being too "mothering," too "giving" to the poor and homeless, too "Liberal," fine. But quit trying to act like you're a Christian at the same time. Fucking grow a pair and admit that your true religion is Capitalism - and all the selfish individualism that goes along with it. I'd actually respect you more.
But with all that being said, and as much as I try to think well of my fellow human beings (no, really, I do!), understand that in San Francisco you WILL be accosted at some point by someone "gross," scary, smelly, crazy, drunk, and/or nude. Just gawk or walk!
OKAY! Moving on! Similar to #3, something else to keep in mind when you're in San Francisco:
4) You actually have to pay attention when you throw shit away! There's not just a "trash" can in a San Francisco home or restaurant or movie theater or or or. There is a "waste" can, a "recyclable" can, and a "compost" can. In San Francisco, the citizens are actually mandated by law to separate compostable items from their trash and recyclables. The City has a goal of sending NOTHING to landfills and/or incinerators by 2020. Again, mock away - we're actually trying to do something about the trash can we're turning the Earth into.
I have to admit, tho, as "green" as I try to be, this has been hard. And I still get confused at the movie theater coz the small and medium cups can go in the compost bin, but the large have to go in the recycling (okay, I DO get that one - the large ones are made of plastic). And I don't understand why you can't put heavily soiled food containers in the compost bin. I feel badly for the folks who work there and empty the bins--ditto the fast food workers that have to do theirs--coz you know if I'm having such a problem, and still making the effort, the numerous tourists who have no such "strictures" at home (in Fatland), are just tossing their shit wherever.
5) Finally, and most importantly, in San Francisco you must reconcile yourself to getting on the bus AFTER any/all Asian women at the bus stop - no matter when they arrived at the stop relative to you. This includes an "X Zone" where x is equal to however far an Asian woman can run when she sees the bus coming. If you think I'm joking about this last one, just try - TRY - and get on a bus before an old Asian woman. I double dog dare you!
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