5/13/10

Deep thoughts, cheap shots, and bon mots the eighth

So I was standing at my window, overlooking Hyde, when a woman driving a Honda and turning left onto Hyde from Sutter gets honked at for literally crawling around the corner—coz, as it turns out, she’s driving with one hand while she’s got her effing cell phone in her other hand. On Hyde, she proceeds to crawl down the street, not quite in her lane (we’ll assume left lane, since that’s where most of her car was).

Icing on the cake: she has a “Say No to Legalizing Pot!” bumper sticker (for those unaware, California will vote on taxing and regulating marijuana in November—-like alcohol and nicotine. But here’s my point/problem: This woman doesn’t want to legalize/tax and regulate an herb that is less dangerous than nicotine (legal), an herb that is less dangerous than alcohol (legal), an herb that is much less dangerous than, say, driving while talking on a cell phone (google the studies if you don’t believe me).

And yet this woman, with the political awareness to bleat about this on her bumper, certainly HAS to know that driving while talking on your cell is illegal in California. Yet, she probably has no whatever whatsoever about wanting to see someone put in jail for smoking weed—a victimless crime. Ask her, tho, if she thinks SHE should be put in jail for talking on her cell while recklessly driving and she would look down her nose at you like nobody’s business. I just HATE that kind of shit; that Puritanism mixed with hypocrisy! Disgusting!

I mean, seriously, if you want to put people in jail for smoking dope, then effing put them in jail for talking on a cell phone while driving—didn’t some trucker just kill a bunch of Mennonites last week while doing this? When’s the last time you heard of a stoner coming unhinged and murdering a bunch of people? Oh yeah, never!

I know I’m going to be THE crotchiest old man around in 20 years and will probably die of a rage-induced stroke; oh wait, the Mayan Calendar will save me from that! Go 12/20/12 or 12/22/12 or whenever it is! Yay!

BTW, did you hear the excuse for the historic one-day intra-trading stock market plunge? “The machines took over.” Seriously! That’s the explanation! Apparently, the machines weren’t too happy with those unappreciative Greeks who protested against their government’s answer to the fiscal crisis they themselves created.

Those crafty machines! But wait, are they absolutely sure it just wasn’t a glitch in the Matrix?

BTW, here’s an example of how a relatively innocent train of thought leaving the station can quickly derail:

Relatively innocent train of thought: “Hmmm, I have all this vodka in the house, I haven’t had a drink in forever, and I also have this semi-weird orange-pineapple-apple juice that would probably taste better cut with, say, peach or vanilla vodka.”

Still relatively innocent train of thought leaving the station: “Yes, I think I’ll make myself a drink and watch a movie; I think I have some Blockbuster movies I need to watch and return.”

Where said train of thought quickly derails into tragedy: “Well, I might as well watch ‘Precious’ so I can exchange it.”

There’s a reason I’ve had “Precious” sitting on my coffee table for some months: I was scared of it. It’s the same reason that made me pass over it the previous six times I went to Blockbuster and thought about getting it before I actually did. I mean, I know it’s very good – very “powerful” – but, why on earth would I watch something about a horribly abused teen when I adopted one of my own some years ago?

It reminds me of when I put “A Clockwork Orange” in my queue a few years ago coz I hadn’t seen it in forever, and though I did recall it was incredibly violent, I also recall it was very “powerful.” Well, that thing sat on my coffee table for AGES! Netflix LOVED me those days coz even though I was paying to have 3 movies out at a time, I was really only cycling through 2 each month coz every time I thought about watching “Clockwork,” I’d shudder and think, “Are you crazy?”

Eventually, of course, I was crazy enough to watch it again. Yes, it was very powerful—and in fact, in some ways, more unsettling because it hadn’t really seemed to “age” that much. But of course it was also still incredibly violent and, in fact, I barely remember even watching it again coz I’ve probably tried to block it out.

So I’m curious if anyone else does this: rents movies you know you’ll probably appreciate on one level but are also so terrified of watching it, that it just sits on your coffee table or wherever for X weeks, months, years, etc. after you bring it home? Or am I just a freak?

BTW (again), the only person who commented on my recent blog post re: anality in parking was my friend David in El Lay. He corrected my false assumption that the guy with the minivan should NOT have backed up closer to the guy behind him who was on a corner and could not get blocked in, because if that guy stayed, and then someone in front of the minivan parked really closely, he would then be blocked in.

But that presumes that the person in front is also a clueless idiot who doesn’t bother to see if they’re blocking anyone. An entirely valid assumption, I’m afraid.

On the plus side, this weekend, a guy in a VW Rabbit spent a TREMENDOUS amount of time ensuring he was DEAD CENTER in the space which was, in fact, perfect for his Rabbit with still a good foot in front and behind him.

I swear to god, the guy got out to check how centered he was and noticed that if he got back in, re-started the car—a STANDARD—and backed up a mere six inches, he would be centered perfectly. And I’ll be damned if he didn’t do just that! I almost yelled out at him to compliment him on the fabulous job he’d done, and the consideration he’d shown, but that would have entailed interacting with another human being and we can’t have THAT, can we? :)

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