Farewell, Shanghai!

Believe it or not, this random hotel in Shanghai has ruined a Simon & Garfunkel song for me.  While you may not recognize the title, “El Condor Pasa” (I didn’t), you would probably recognize the lyrics, “I’d rather be a hammer than a nail……if I could…..”  Well, just try….TRY to imagine a Chinese muzac version of it.  I only WISH I could find it online to share; it must be heard to be believed.  Actually, the first few times we heard it, I thought it was kind of nice/funky.  Unfortunately, they ONLY play that one song in an endless loop.  In the lobby.  In the restaurant for breakfast each morning.  Over and over and over and over and over and over again.  I hate that song.

So Mindy and I went to check out one of the local gay bars coz they advertised “Free Tapas!” and drink specials one night.  The drink specials were, indeed, fairly decent (decent for Shanghai, that is, which means $9 for a Long Island “Ice” Tea), but we never saw the free tapas, and the “Hot Model” Chinese waiter didn’t understand us when we asked about the tapas – so he sent someone else over who didn’t understand, either! 

Since we were hungry, we decided to hit the noodle place next door, where Mindy then texted the guy she was going to meet out for a not-really-a-date date and had him join us there.  Forget his name, but he’s from Ghana and works in the “export-import business” here in Shanghai.  He was nice enough, but neither Mindy or I saw/felt any “sparks” between them.  He actually spent more time talking to ME, but when I asked him if he’d ever been with another man, he was SHOCKED and said, most vehemently, that he had not.  But he sometimes deejays in gay bars and joined us back next door for one more drink.  Interestingly, he hates Chinese food/never eats it.  You can do that in Shanghai, but you pay for the “privilege.”

Speaking of, we found another, less expensive Mexican restaurant not too very far from our hotel and near Lauren’s hood so we met there last week for lunch.  Pretty good, but still not as good as anything I could find in Oklahoma.  But beggars can’t be choosers.  The owner came here some years ago from Acapulco with some corporation, liked Shanghai, and stayed/opened this restaurant.

Right when we were prepping to leave, we heard a huge commotion out on the street and went out to find that there had been an accident between two scooters.  Amazingly, the first accident we’d seen, although we just missed seeing the actual collision.  I wish we had, though, because the “resolution” was an absolute trip to behold. 

One scooter had an old guy and young boy/probably his grandson.  The other, a couple in maybe their 30s/40s.  No one was hurt, but the woman sat in the middle of the street, next to the two toppled over scooters (neither one seemed to have any real damage) and WOULD. NOT. MOVE.   Apparently, this is SOP in China, according to the restaurant owner, who joined us on the sidewalk to observe – along with VERY MANY bystanders.  He said they would wait for the police, and once they arrived, the woman would start sobbing.  He said the police would bring in a “mediator” who would then coordinate with the two parties until someone either admitted guilt and/or wanted to get the hell out of there and would offer money and/or cigarettes to the “offended” party.  And that’s exactly what happened.

In the meantime, more gawkers came by, traffic had to crawl around the scooters (as well as the woman who had to hurl return curses at the drivers cursing at her), etc.  It’s hard to describe how compelling the drama was, but it was, indeed.  The bored police showed up fairly quickly and eventually moved the scooters off the street with the help of the “mediator” who then started working with the parties involved, while bystanders (the “jury”) excitedly offered their two cents/verdict.

One of the coolest/most surreal moments was when this OLD guy came puttering by in this FUNKY, strange looking TINY red car.  About the length of a smart car, but less wide/only a one seater, and taller.  Very weird looking, but fun to see this old guy in it.  What made it surreal was, about 20 minutes later, the guy came puttering by again, going in the same direction.  He did not gawk at the accident either time.  It was like he was taking his Sunday drive on a Thursday and/or was just hopelessly lost and looping.  The whole thing was truly a trip.

Fun China fact: no stores will provide free bags.  You must bring your own or buy them.  I think SF started doing this recently, as well as some other cities in California.

Speaking of stores, the “Cloud Nine” mall down the road from our hotel is an effing HUGE mall. Easily the largest I’ve ever been in.  And it’s not even the largest in Shanghai, let alone China (fun fact: the largest mall in the world, not far from where I’ll be in Guangzhou is actually now classified as a “dead mall” – it’s a fascinating story if you google it).  Anyway, Cloud Nine has nine floors, with 4 more levels underground.  There are at least 4-5 huge atriums completely ringed by stores (I posted a photo of one of the atriums earlier).  The size isn’t “inflated” by amusement park rides or anything like that – it’s just endless store after endless store with a buttload of restaurants.   It’s huge.

Transition: for a country/culture that supposedly puts the group before the individual the Chinese can be astonishingly selfish/self-centered.  The way they mob the subway entrances and escalators is truly a sight to behold.  The pushing, the not waiting until people get off before they try to shove on, etc. They’re the same way with the escalators.  And of course I’ve already mentioned their blind selfishness when driving, riding their scooters/bikes.  I experienced this to a small extent in SF (partly due, of course, to the high number of Asians), but honestly, call it culture or whatever, it is truly amazing and appalling the way they behave.  It’s actually pretty disgusting, truth be told.  I’ve gotten to the point where I just won’t let them push by me anymore and will actively push back/block people trying to shove by me.  Then, of course, they look at me like *I* am the asshole.  I have to say, this is the most appalling thing about their behavior as a people.  It truly boggles the mind to witness.  We all (Disney folks) remark on it endlessly.

Today (Thursday) was the epitome.  It was absolutely JAMMED even in the middle of the day.  There had to be SOMETHING going on, but the sheer mass of humanity was simply exhausting to fight through.  I mean, I'm a big city boy, but the mass of people here is just absurd.  I'm totally ready to leave.  BTW, if you didn't know already, Shanghai proper is the largest city in the world - outdistancing Istanbul by 4 million people.  It is also the world's largest municipality, and 5th largest "urban area."

Speaking of the subways, they actually have security/x-ray machines at EVERY entrance.  But what’s stupid is they are not even close to being consistently enforced.  Of course I play the good Red and always put my bag through there, but virtually every day, I see some arrogant business type breeze right through, even when the security guard puts his/her arm out to try and stop them.  The guy will just blow right by without saying anything, without even deigning to act like there is a person there.  I mean, honestly, what fucking good does it do to have the things if they won’t consistently enforce? 

But still on the subways, and in general, there is ZERO graffiti here in Shanghai.  None.  I have seen no graffiti whatsoever anywhere in this municipality of about 25 million people.  If they’re so well behaved, why don’t they submit to the subway security?  Why do they act so effing crazy and selfish and insane when traveling?  It’s a conundrum wrapped in an enigma and then covered with MSG!

About a week ago (around 6/13) we all noticed we had sore throats and thought a bug was going around.  Turns out we were all getting hit with “Shanghai pollution throat.”  :(   I can’t imagine living in Beijing.  With the heat, and lack of rain, combined with needing to run the A/C more, it just led to nastiness all around.  Poor Mindy even broke down and bought a “SARS mask”/face diaper – she hated me calling it the latter, but that’s what the one she picked looked like, I swear!  See pic posted on Facebook, if you don’t believe me! 

Back at the hotel, the poor maids must think we’re all freaks.  Most of us keep the “Do Not Disturb” signs on our doors – even when we’re not here.  Partly it’s to keep the shades drawn/the rooms cooler (we can’t make the maids understand we don’t want the shades opened and the windows opened to let in the heat/pollution).  Bless their hearts, though, it’s obvious they are most distraught at not being able to clean our rooms.  We joke about giving them a huge break and “letting” them come in and clean.  I confused one even further the other day: Mindy and I have taken to answering our room phones the Chinese way, with a very loud, long drawn out, “WEI????” just to amuse ourselves and coz we’re the only ones who call each other in our rooms (which are right next door to each other).  Unfortunately, one day when I did that, it was the maid calling and she immediately started chattering at me in Mandarin.  Of course I had to revert to stupid American and was all, “Um, what?”  Her reply? “May clean room?”   :)

On the whole, we’re apparently a hardier group than the current crop of trainees finishing up.  Although they had more in their initial group (10 to our 7) fully HALF of them have quit!  Actually, one was “fired” and we’re all dying to know why.  One had the gall to accept another job here in China within 2 weeks of Disney flying him out here, and 3 of them just could not deal.  I had thought the “psyche profile” was supposed to weed out such wussies, but apparently not. 

Now it’s on to Guangzhou!  Woot, woot!!   :)