Deep thoughts, cheap shots and bon mots - XIX - Shanghai Edition II

Seriously, the drivers here are IN. SANE.  They could give two squirts of piss if you’re a pedestrian and have the right of way.  They simply FLAT OUT do NOT stop for right on red, just roll on through.  When I get to Guangzhou, I’m going to be getting a nice, solid, walking stick.  I’m going to wave/twirl it around as I walk/cross streets/etc., and if I happen to hit their car, yay for me.   The scooterists, bicyclists, and motorized bicyclists are the same.  I will be using my stick on them, as well.  :)

One of the women in our training group, Debby, is from Holland.  During one of our last days of training, we all “splurged” for lunch at a western-type place near our center called “Johnny Moos” (points for you if you guessed it’s a rip-off of Johnny Rockets!).  We started discussing education in America, which then led to a discussion of violence in America, the prison system, etc.  I thought poor Debby was going to break down in tears when she heard all we had to say.  I mean, she’s a nice young woman, but she’s not naïve or “goody-goody.”  But even then, she couldn’t believe her ears.   She actually even finally said, “Wow.  I can’t believe what I’m hearing.”  Nothing like a bunch of Disney employees helping a Dutch person realize America isn’t the sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows land so many Americans like to think it is (NOTE: we certainly were NOT implying China is a paradise, or any better, on the whole, by any stretch of the imagination.  But compared to Holland….)

BTW, I dropped 64 quai on an “American style” breakfast at Johnny Moo’s coz I SO miss real breakfast food.  At our hotel, the buffet consists of pot stickers, chow mein style noodles, “grain crops” (sometimes potatoes, but usually sad corn or sweet potatoes), steamed buns (actually good), steamed pork buns, some kind of porridge/gruel, seaweed and/or fish soup, bread/toast, mini sweet breads (good), and “fried twisted dough sticks” (good).  Then there’s always watermelon.  I swear I have eaten more watermelon in the past three weeks than I have in the past twenty years.  And I am not exaggerating by any stretch of the imagination.  This is not necessarily a bad thing, but still interesting.  Oh, and of course the hot Tang.  Mmmmm, hot Tang.

BIG NEWS: Someone in China was murdered the other day!  It was all anyone could talk about at the center.  I was trying to figure out why, when I did a little research and discovered that the murder rate in the U.S. is nearly 500% that of China’s.  In fact, even though the population of China is more than four times that of the U.S., the NUMBER of murders in the U.S. still exceeds China’s.  Fun fact: nearly one out of every five people in the world live in China.

One thing that’s been interesting, and actually a bit of a relief, is how very profane most Disney “cast members” are when they’re not “performing.”  My new friend Lauren in our group used to work at Disney World and she said she was “pleasantly surprised” that there were actually co-workers who used the word “fuck” more than she did!  LOL.  I admit I responded to Lauren’s claim with skepticism until I started talking to some of the Disney folks here.  I feel right at home! 

Although it’s still sort of odd to think of myself as a “Disney cast member.”  :)

Actually, what’s fun is being able to vent/say stuff to the kids in English, quickly, that you know they won’t understand.  While, in general, the kids here are MUCH better behaved than their U.S. counterparts, and are almost uniformly and unbelievably cute, they still, on occasion, act like brats.  Today in class, I was getting a little fed up with one little otherwise well-behaved little boy’s antics, so I smiled brightly at him and said, “Ming Ming, if you don’t stop, I’m going to cut you.”  He smiled brightly right back at me and sat obediently in his chair. 

Here’s an arena in which China surpasses America: Mirror Technology!  I took a rare hot shower the other day and as I stepped out of the shower and in front of the bathroom mirror, I found it all fogged up, EXCEPT for a nice, neat 2’ X 2’ rectangle squarely in the middle of the mirror.  After thinking, “Cool!” I immediately wondered why they didn’t just make the whole effing mirror like that, but then realized it’s probably pretty expensive.

Another cool thing (literally): some of the metro trains in Shanghai use the motion/energy of the moving metro cars to power the A/C.  And I was wondering why the A/C seemed to work better/blow harder while we were in motion.  Doi!

So after Lauren’s housewarming party last week, I went with her and Mindy to a Thai place right downstairs.  Luckily, I’ve had my share of good, hot/spicy Thai food, but these poor Southern girls (Mindy is from Dallas, Lauren from Ft. Lauderdale) were NOT prepared for a little Thai spice!  They were both choking and gasping and hating on me for pointing out that they had probably “dialed it back” a bit for us whiteys.  To be fair, it was probably still at about a high level 3/low 4 on the SF Thai 1-5 scale, and I usually ordered at level 4 (5 if I had a cold).  I pictured the staff hiding behind the curtain and giggling at the yellow haired girls gasping and begging for more lemon water.

Speaking of food, I actually had “oily fish & seaweed” soup the other day with my fried rice.  Baby steps.  :)

Back to Mindy from Dallas (tho she just came from a 2-year gig with Teach for America in Detroit).  Although she is not really SO very unusual looking, she DOES get a lot of stares – which is strange for Shanghai, which is crawling with expats.  Could be the yellow hair coupled with her shortness and “full figure.”  But it drives her crazy.  So she’s taken to giving a big cheery wave and big cheery “Hello!” in English to everyone that stares at her.  Some are surprised, many are still stolid and blank-faced, but a large number of them break into grins and wave back.  Some even say hello.  It’s kind of fun to watch.

She loves to do “photo bombs,” but gave it up here when she discovered that most everyone ends up WANTING her in their picture.  Others who see this then ask her to be in their pictures, too!  So she’s stopped doing it since that kind of defeats the purpose of a photo bomb.  Poor Mindy.

So it turns out the only chubby people here are kids.  Try to guess why?  Just try!  If you guessed, “More KFCs than in the states!” you win!  But the Chinese lose.  There’s also tons of McDonald’s, Burger Kings, and Pizza Huts.  Maybe this is America’s secret plan to defeat the Chinese.

But the older people still do their tai chi every day and group dancing/exercises all over town – my favorite is the group who dance every morning in front of the big Ashley furniture store near our hotel.  But the old couples slow dancing in the park down the street are pretty sweet, too!

Coming next week: I go out with Mindy to a gay bar and chaperone her straight date with an expat from Ghana;  deets on the hugest mall I’ve ever been in (granted, I have not been to the Mall of America); and the hotel we’re staying in ruins Simon & Garfunkel for me!