My earliest memory is from June 1968 - I was almost five years old and was living with my birth parents in the projects in Sacramento, CA (actually, my birth dad may have been in jail at this time). My birth mom was excited about having just voted in her first presidential primary--for Bobby Kennedy. I remember her telling me how his brother had been killed when I was just a baby and everyone was so sad, but that Bobby was going to be even better, you could tell he really cared about people, he would get us out of Vietnam, etc.
And then, of course,he was killed just a few hours later. My mom cried and cried that night, and I cried, too, just because she was crying. I remember her telling our neighbor later that she wouldn't even bother voting in November since they just seemed to kill all the "good ones."
Because of this experience, I always felt an affinity for Bobby, and learned as much as I could about him. My early life in Sacramento was also very impactful for me in terms of race. Although my birth parents had black friends, many of our neighbors were black, etc., my birth dad would still say ridiculously racist things, and I remember driving around with him and my brothers and my dad pointing out blacks on the street and saying to my youngest brother, "Look, Danny! See the nigger? Har har har!" As young as I was, I remember being shocked/disgusted.
Our neighbor Mary, a black single mother, was my birth mom's best friend; we played with her kids all the time. My first "let's play doctor" moment was with her daughter Pam when I was barely 8 years old. Later, when we moved to Oklahoma, I also got to experience busing and saw the protests from white parents at our school. My classmates all eagerly huddled at the windows anxiously waiting to see what the brouhaha was all about, what kind of monsters would emerge from the buses. When it was simply a bunch of black kids, we were all disappointed. The world didn't end. The protests stopped. Life went on.
Another major early influence on me was my grandmother. While I joke about her being a saint, and accept that she MAY, in fact, have had some flaws, my strongest memory is of her empathy. She was a good, loving woman, who actually walked her talk as a Christian and I have many, many memories of her admonishing folks when they judged others, of telling people they needed to put themselves in someone else's shoes and try to see where they're coming from; that you had to give people the benefit of the doubt when they did or said something "bad" because you couldn't know what life experiences they'd had to make them think or act that way, etc.
These early experiences have helped make me who I am today and also still impact my political views, beliefs, and rationale for when I vote. I still have a lot of Bobby's idealism (tho it's tempered by cynicism because of what happened to him), I recognize the messed up racial issues we have in this country to this day, and I try really hard - no, really, I do! - to see where people are coming from when they say things I don't agree with.
It's this "empathy thing" that now has me so distraught about "political discourse" in this country. Like many of my "progressive" friends, I've heaped scorn on those rabid right wingers who spew such ridiculous hate and who so clearly, ignorantly, vote against their own interests. I agree with the memes and posts from like-minded folks who scorn and sneer at these "backwoods, slack-jawed, inbred, racist yokels," - not even bothering to try and understand them because they are SO clearly unreachable, etc.
But then, I experienced some of that sneering, patronizing dismissal myself and it opened my eyes a little. I am a member of a "Progressive" Facebook group started by a friend. Like others, we've had some quite, er, vigorous debates during this election season - esp. between Sanders and Clinton supporters. But these debates seemed to devolve the longer they went on, and once it became clear that Sanders would not prevail, and as many of his frustrated supporters turned to third party options, the debate intensified. And as the recent violent, racial incidents spiked (or at least coverage and/or awareness of them did), THOSE discussions became more heated.
And it seemed like we'd become the folks we sneered at - or at least started adopting their tactics: shouting down dissent, snide name-calling and smug dismissal of those who don't "get it." It was amazing and appalling to behold. As I knew I'd engaged in my own share of disdainful dismissal of the "other side," I tried to dial it back. I tried to get folks to see that the dialogue was not helping "educate" or "turn" people - but only hardening their stance.
I watched as people maliciously attacked that older Sanders supporter "ranting" at the convention as being "crazy" and "off her meds," rather than trying to empathize that she could feel such pain and rage over what is happening in our country. I watched SOME rabid Sanders supporters claim Hillary is no better than Trump, and then watched SOME rabid Clinton supporters assert you were "stupid" or "privileged" if you voted third party. A friend who made a good point that simply sharing memes and "sympathetic" stories was intellectually lazy - and then the very next day he shared a piece slamming Susan Sarandon for her comments against Hillary. His friends immediately piled on and just SAVAGED Sarandon, calling her a bitch, a c*nt, "officially" an asshole, a "stupid box of hair," unhinged, and asserting "I never liked her or her saggy tits." These are the Clinton supporters who "can't understand" the Hillary "hate" - who cry "misogyny!" when anyone says anything negative about her, who say we need to save the country from Drumpf. Fair enough, but we're saving it for YOU people? Um....
THEN, Clinton supporters tried to dismiss or explain away the caught red-handed corruption of the DNC that favored her during the primaries. Some suggested that the DNC didn't even need to be neutral, others claimed it was okay for big donors to get perks/access. Things they would have slammed the GOP for doing/allowing. And, STILL they could not understand the rage and frustration over our crony capitalism. STILL, they sneered at folks voting Green - falsely claiming they're all privileged white folks, - or spreading false propaganda that they are "anti-Science" and don't make any effort at the local level (untrue). I'm not saying Jill stein is a perfect candidate by ANY stretch of the imagination, but it's astonishing to me to see Hillary supporters savage her so - and in ways they decry the folks who savage Hillary!
Yes, folks are engaging in hyperbole when they say Clinton is no better than Trump, but they also have very valid concerns about her policies and her history. Yes, people are right to point out that while the system we have may be messed up you still should do what you can to avoid a "Trumpocalypse." But haranguing, dismissing, hectoring, name-calling, judgement, etc. is NOT the way to "change hearts and minds."
I'm still cynical enough to think we can't live up to Rodney King's "Can't we all just get along" plea, but I like to think I still have enough of my grandma in me to say, "Can't we at least try to understand where someone is coming from, feel their pain, and more thoughtfully respond to them in a way that doesn't use name-calling, smug dismissal, and the like?" Pretty please?? :)
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