Barring an accident or other personal choices, we're all going to get old. And many of us - too many - will be isolated and all alone. Although I've been aware of this, peripherally, it's really been driven home for me the past few months.
To be honest, when I started working at Friends of the Elderly, it was mainly coz I needed to get away from Youth Court, I wanted a job in the City, etc. I hadn't worked before with an organization focusing on the elderly, and was a bit leery for a variety of reasons (something new, cranky elders, etc.).
Now, after barely two months, I'm so glad I came here. Seeing this program in action, what it means for the seniors, and what it means for the volunteers, is both heartwarming and heartbreaking. Heartwarming in the feedback we get from both elders and visiting volunteers about how much these visits mean to folks--and heartbreaking when you see how some of these folks live.
The first monthly "in-home" visit event I attended, I decided to go do a visit myself. I picked a guy who happens to live exactly one block over from me, whose name is also David. He's "only" 66 (the average age of our elders is 80!), is a retired MUNI driver, and lists his interests as movies, politics, reading, and history. Bingo on all counts for me!
So I show up at David's door and am immediately struck by his tiny living space. Although he does have his own bathroom, David lives in a SRO that barely has room in between his hospital bed and the "kitchenette" lining the opposite wall to get his wheelchair in between the two. He has pretty severe rheumatoid arthritis and spent our entire visit "working" his fingers out of a seemingly permanent "claw" position.
He also has slight TMJ and so his jaw would be clicking while he spoke. Oh, and did I mention he's a chain smoker in a tiny room with windows that won't open?
And STILL, despite the depressing surroundings, despite the smoke stinging my eyes (and infesting my clothes), despite my discomfort listening to the TMJ clicking and watching him constantly trying to pry/keep his fingers open, I toughed it out beyond the normal hour we ask folks to visit for about 90 minutes total. Partly out of a weird sense of guilt, partly out of "duty" as the Ex. Dir., but mostly coz I could see it meant a lot to David to have this human interaction.
We started talking about movies, and I ASSUMED he'd be all about the classics, or westerns, or boring "old" stuff, but I was a bit shocked, and pleasantly surprised, to find him interested in a wide range of movies and directors - some I also like and some I don't.
He's a big Aronofsky fan, as a matter of fact! He also liked "Happiness" - one of THE most twisted and darkly comic brilliant films I've ever seen and only few others know. And he's a bigger fan of the Cohen brothers than I am - much more accepting of their (IMHO) overly-gratuitous violence.
It turns out he was also involved in "The Movement" as he kept referring to it - as in the 60s counter-culture. When I mentioned my Peace Corps experience, he told me how those "in the movement" had a big debate about Peace Corps - some of them loved the idea, the goals, etc., while others saw it as a cynical ploy by JFK to "infiltrate" and/or validate some of the Latin American despotic regimes we were supporting. I'd never heard or thought of this. He said he'd been at "house discussions" in both Boston and Chicago in the late 60s where this was a big debate.
He used to hang out with Noam Chomsky back in Boston, and hitch-hiked cross-country with some other "movement folks" in 1968 (he never used the word hippies). Of course we also chatted quite a bit about history.
The low point of the visit came when he asked, somewhat sheepishly, if I were going to be "formally matched" with an elder. It turns out David is one of about 100 elders we have that have been assessed and are waiting to be matched with a regular visiting volunteer (the monthly in-homes we do are for folks who only want to do occasional visits).
I could tell David enjoyed my company/talking with me, and despite all the "sad" aspects of his living situation, I enjoyed visiting with him, too. But the smoke was just KILLING me. I don't know how I survived back in the day when we used to go clubbing and folks smoked all around me. But my eyes were on FIRE and as soon as I got home I had to take a long shower, toss my just-washed clothes in the hamper, etc.
And I told David it wouldn't be "right" for me to "play favorites" and get formally matched - but that I'd rather visit as many different elders as I could. This is, of course, only partially true - and truth be told, I went to David's thinking that if we hit it off, I would indeed be formally matched with him. Sigh.
We have another elder who is SO excited to have company/visitors, she tells everyone that comes to see her, over and over again during their visit, "I'm just so happy you're here to visit me!" and beams. She often interrupts herself to say that!
I hope hope hope against hope I don't end up like these folks we serve. I just can't imagine what it must be like to be stuck in a grungy little room, all day long, day after day, no work, no school - and no human interaction. No wonder these folks are so grateful!
We are doing in-home visits this Saturday before Easter, the 23rd. If you're interested in trying it, click HERE to register. If you're interested in becoming a regular visiting volunteer, and being matched with an elder - or want to try coming to a party or other social event, check out all our volunteer opportunities HERE.
I swear you won't find a much more rewarding volunteer opportunity - or spend a more valuable hour of your time. I SWEAR! :)
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