The King of Kong!

So I'm watching this funky documentary called “The King of Kong: Fistful of Quarters.” Basically, it follows the “classic” gamer nerds fighting over world records for games like Donkey Kong, Centipede, Pac Man, etc.

“Respected Gamer” – is that a contradiction in terms? “Sanctioned gamer location?” On the one hand, it’s hard to not dismiss these guys as nerdish freaks, but are they any worse than guys who run around chasing or hitting or throwing or catching some kind of ball?

This one guy is a classic example of the freakish underbelly that exists in America. I mean, “Gnarly piece of poontang?” Gross! This guy is a freak!

OMG, this 80-year-old woman is trying to set a record on Q*Bert! Q*Bert!

So “Funspot” in New Hampshire—New Hampshire—is THE place for competitive classic gaming. The old woman comes from Florida, this doc protagonist from Seattle comes out to “prove” he’s the Donkey Kong champ (he beat Billy’s 1982 record, but only coz he was manipulated into using a doctored board by the freakish “poontang” guy who hates the “true” world record holder, Billy, who also has the distinction of a “perfect” Pac Man score wherein he got the most points you can get possibly get, got through all 250+ screens, and did it without losing a man!).

Oooh, this challenger (Steve) is about to get to the Donkey Kong “kill screen” – only 2 people have ever done it! This nerd is going around Funspot screeching that “There’s a potential Donkey Kong kill screen coming up! There’s a potential Donkey Kong kill screen coming up!”

Oooh, he got it! Steve Wiebe broke Billy Mitchell’s 20+ year old record on Donkey Kong!

But wait, Billy has sent a video with his 80-year-old Q*Bert mule that shows him getting a score of…..wait for it…..OMG, ONE MILLION and 42,000 something points! It’s chaos! It’s a nerd clap-a-thon!

The little bitch kept this just in case someone beat his record! Snap!

I have to say, tho, that, honestly, there is not a single “stud”/attractive guy among the gamer nerds—they all look like....well, nerds. Billy actually doesn’t look TOO nerdy—more 70ish Doobie Brothers.

“Glitch abuse?” LMAO

Oooh, Billy’s getting slammed by Steve for always being a “proponent” of live performance records, and yet he sends a tape in of a private game to take “his” record back from Steve who is actually in TEARS over the tragedy.

9 months later, Steve says he’s gotten over the “controversy,” but he still cries when he talks about it. This is sad on several levels.

How sad/cute—the “official scorekeeper” for 25 years at Twin Galaxies just crowed over how the documentary makers were there to see “Twin Galaxies make history” by being included in the Guinness Book of World Records – they will include the top scores in their 2007 edition!

So it’s game on for Steve to challenge Billy for a LIVE head-to-head competition before the publication deadline. And Steve is trash talking! This is so exciting!
Ha! They’re comparing the Billy/Steve rivalry to Yankees/Red Sox, Maris/Mantle, and Heckle & Jeckle. Okay, I’ll give them the last one!

Oooh, Steve ain’t crying anymore—he’s calling Billy on the phone and basically calling him a pussy if he doesn’t show up at Funspot! Snap!

Ha again! Steve’s 12-year-old daughter notes that some people “ruin their lives” to get in Guinness.

Frogger! I used to LOVE Frogger! And Joust and Tron and…oh god, SueLin, what was the one we played where you spun a dial to shoot spikes and things coming out of the center? Tempest? Oooh, and Tapper! I loved that! I have to go to Funspot! :)

Fun/weird aspect of the doc: Steve’s wife totally reminds me of my friend Jill!

Okay, I’m now officially tired of the Donkey Kong sound effects.

Billy is being a wuss and not coming to do the “live” challenge – Steve disciples and Billy disciples are ripping each other to shreds; I gotta side with Steve, tho, for at least playing in the “pressure packed public arena.”

The back and forth trash talking is even better than what happens before OU-Texas! But poor Steve is starting to crack under the pressure of playing 2½ hour games for 3 days running.

Oh man, Steve’s last start/chance to set the record! Billy is still being a pussy and not competing.

Oh no, Steve lost a man!

Oh no, he’s lost another, but he’s up to 714,000 points!

Did he win?

Do you really care?

His wife is crying – is it tears of joy or sadness?

I can’t believe this doc made me care about these guys! And Guinness and Steve and Billy!

Oh, and there was a twist ending!

Word!

Gasp! And a “The Saga Continues” segment on the special features! And even that update only takes us to the Fall of 2007 – gotta go (rushing to Google)

P.S. PONG! The first video game I (and no doubt tons of others) ever played!